Navigating The Holidays Without IBS Flare-ups

The holidays are fraught with opportunities to eat and drink all kinds of foods that aren’t in our normal daily diet, and to be with people or in situations we may or may not be comfortable with. That means those of us with IBS often spend much of the holidays not feeling our best or, even worse, feeling terrible. Why is that? Because we are surrounded by food, drink, people, and situations that are likely to be full of IBS triggers and we can’t (or won’t) say no because we are concerned about what others might think about us. So what do you do about that?

If you’ve managed to get your IBS under control, then you’re pretty aware of the triggers that affect you. And, when you know your triggers, you know what happens if you dive in and eat or drink things that will trigger you: You’ll have a flare-up! (If you haven’t gotten your IBS under control consider making that your New Year’s resolution and let’s talk!)

Instead of closing your eyes, accepting every invitation, and eating and drinking whatever is offered, ask yourself why you are not comfortable declining things that will make you feel sick.

Thank you to my amazing sister, Sarah Aitken, RN, MS, WHNP/FNP, NBC-HWC, for the collaboration on this post.

My friend and I had a conversation the other day, and we were talking about the feeling of pressure to “try this amazing onion dip” when everyone else was raving about it. Or garlic mushrooms, or whatever other food is being served. 

I have absolutely NO problem saying "no" to food that I know will make me sick. It bothers me not in the least, not even a pang. 

My friend, on the other hand, has LOTS of drama around it. She pretty much felt it was just too painful and she couldn't do it. She didn't want people to think she was “on a diet.” She didn't want to be the "party pooper." She didn't want to be "that person." She felt, by declining, the hostess would be insulted and the party would be ruined for her and everyone else. 

But she has no trouble at all saying "no" to a special holiday cocktail. She is just not a big cocktail lover. 

And I have drama around that one (although I'm much better than I used to be!). 

So, what's the difference? Why are we absolutely fine being the "different one" in one situation, and not in another? 

The difference lies in our thoughts, and it is US who are the ones being judgmental. 

Her thoughts reflect her OWN judgments about herself and other people saying "no" to food, not the thoughts of those around her. It is SHE who would be thinking, "Is that woman on a diet?" "What a party pooper." "Well, she's sure a problem to invite to a party." "Oh great, we have a health nut in the crowd." 

She herself is a judgmental person. 

With that in mind…here’s the fix!

Stop. Being. So. Judgmental. 

(And you know what that is? A slightly judgmental statement on my end – that you should be less judgmental. See how hard it is to get away from these things?)

How do you do that? 

Develop self-awareness by observing your thoughts. 

Learn to catch yourself in the act. Listen to your thoughts. Look for phrases such as: 

• That person shouldn’t do _____________[action].

• If I were that person, I wouldn’t do ____________[action]; I would do _____________[alternative action] instead. 

• That person is so ______________ [negative adjective]. 

Once you learn to recognize these thoughts, ask yourself why you feel the need to judge the people in question. 

Take note of what triggers your judgmental thoughts. 

Judgments can be either positive or negative; in either case, you’re assuming you know the full situation and the reasons behind someone’s behavior. 

Next time you catch yourself making a judgment about others, turn it into an opportunity for introspection. 

Why do you think the other person’s actions pushed your buttons? 

How can you work on improving those beliefs or insecurities? How is what the other person is doing/saying any of your business? 

For example, you might be more judgmental when you’re around certain people, in certain environments, or when you’re feeling a certain way. Learning to recognize these triggers is an important step toward becoming less judgmental. 

Practice empathy. 

In most cases, if someone is doing something you are judging harshly, you won’t know their motivation unless you ask them about it. If you can ask politely and with a genuine sense of curiosity, go ahead and ask! If you can't ask with that mindset, then practice some empathy and open your mind to various possible explanations for their behavior and their choices. Give people the benefit of the doubt. 

Be accepting. 

Once you’ve tried understanding the other person, accept them for who they are. It’s really hard to change someone else. In fact, succeeding is highly unlikely. Only they can change themselves, as only you can change yourself. 

You don’t have to be their best friend or even like them, but see if it is possible to avoid judging them or letting negative thoughts fester in your mind. 

Show yourself compassion. 

Your judgment of others reflects your judgment about yourself and therefore your actions and reactions. Once you dial down your judgmental mind, you may find it gets easier to say “no thank you” to food, drink, stressful situations, or even certain people, that you know will trigger a flare-up. You might just discover a wonderful sense of freedom when you give yourself permission to politely decline—without judgment or concern. No need to apologize. No need to make a big deal.

And remember, nobody is perfect, and you’ll probably stumble quite a few times in your quest to be less judgmental. Forgive yourself and keep trying. And have a wonderful holiday season no matter what.

Want to learn more about how to get your IBS under control?